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July, 2001

"Here I Am and the Children Whom the Lord Has Given Me! We Are For Signs and Wonders."
Isaiah 8:18

By Marilyn Conrad

A few years ago two articles concerning divorce appeared in the same issue of the Tulsa World. The first article told of the extremely high divorce rate in the Tulsa area.

With the Tulsa area leading the way, Oklahoma had its highest divorce rate in history, soaring far ahead of the national average, preliminary state and national figures show.

Nationally there were about two divorces for every four marriages, but those figures pale in comparison to those chalked up in Oklahoma.

There were nine divorces for every 10 weddings in Tulsa County. Across the state Sooners turned to divorce three times for every four times they went to the altar, provisional figures show.

The second article discussed divorce among the soldiers returning from the Desert Storm operation in 1991. "They came back to a great hero’s welcome, and some of them got served (divorce papers) right at the homecoming. There were flags, bands, and process servers. The divorce rate has been unbelievable," said an Oklahoma divorce attorney whose caseload rose more than 30% in the two months following Desert Storm.

The Independence Day celebrations on the 4^th of July after the triumphal return of the troops who served in Kuwait and Iraq were marked with parades across the nation. However, the war is not over. I’m speaking of the spiritual battle to save our homes and families. The victory in the Persian Gulf should spur us on so we will fight to the finish and win the war for our families.

War inflicts pain—emotional and physical—on its victims. So does divorce. Warring mates leave wounded children, grandchildren, and in-laws in their destructive path.

God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness are available when divorce occurs, but members of the family still suffer when marriages break up. Israel’s King David experienced God’s forgiveness when he repented of his sins of adultery and the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, but his family experienced the consequences of his sin. In 2 Samuel 12 the Lord says, “Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house.” This judgment was fulfilled in the agony David suffered because of his lawless children. Nathan the prophet said, "Thou shalt not die, nevertheless…."

In most cases divorce is simply selfishness. It is doing what "I" want to do. It is choosing what makes "me" feel good without weighing the effects that divorce will have on our future and the future of our children.

Sin often brings pleasure for a season, but that season eventually comes to an end. Then what?

Mike and Marilyn Phillipps of Marriage Ministries International (MMI) say, "Daily, enemy bombardments come against the homes of our land. Many have fallen. The wounded are too numerous to count. Children remain prisoners of war, wounded and tormented long after the battle in the home has ceased."

In his book Building Stronger Marriages and Families Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty of Victory Christian Center in Tulsa reveals the heart of the problem when he says, "We live in a society of people today that is willing to sacrifice their children on the altar of the divorce court to satisfy their own egos. They say, 'Forget the children. The concern is my own feelings and what’s happening to me.'"

I am so grateful that the Lord showed me in the beginning of my stand that I was not standing for my marriage only, but also for the marriages of our sons and their children. Do you understand that what we do has the potential to change generations? We can draw the line and say, "No more, Devil," or we can allow divorce to destroy our homes and families for generations to come.

God gave me a word through one of His prophets, which said, "You and your children are for signs and wonders." My sons and their wives have spoken at our conferences. Would they have been there if I had not stood for my family, or would they too, be another statistic?

Covenant Keepers is called to stand in the gap and pull down strongholds of divorce and separation over our homes, our cities, and our nations.

When mates commit adultery many pastors say that this is grounds for divorce. This is commonly called the exception clause. However, there is something better than the exception clause. It is forgiveness!

We have the responsibility to be channels so forgiveness can flow into the Body of Christ. We are called to set the example—and that example should be forgiveness and not the sin of divorce. Our marriages are worth fighting for.

"…you shall build up the old waste places; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, the Restorer of Streets to Dwell In." Isaiah 58:12

More On The Exception Clause
By Marilyn Conrad

"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32 NKJV

Some believers use this passage of scripture as justification for divorce and remarriage. The common understanding of the so-called exception clause is that divorce and remarriage are okay if one of the marriage partners has been sexually unfaithful.

Scholarly research shows that in actuality this passage is linked to incestuous relationships (1 Corinthians 5:1), homosexual marriages (Leviticus 18:22), and unfaithfulness during the betrothal period. 

The scriptures in question are included in Matthew and not in Mark and Luke. Matthew was written primarily to the Jews, Mark’s gospel was intended for the Romans, and Luke directed his writings to the Greeks. Greek and Roman marriage customs did not recognize the concept of betrothal, but it was an important part of Jewish society. It was unnecessary to mention the “exception clause” to the Romans and Greeks.

At the time of Christ an engaged couple was considered legally married. A legal divorce was required to break the engagement.

When a young man wanted to marry a girl, he first negotiated a price with her father, established a covenant of betrothal, and then returned to his home for twelve months. The betrothed couple was called husband and wife even though the marriage was not consummated. After the year long period of separation came the ceremony and physical consummation.

If, during the betrothal period, it was discovered that the bride had been unfaithful, the young husband could return her to her father with a paper of divorcement. Jesus’ words in Matthew clearly refer to betrothal divorce and not marriage divorce.

Joseph quietly considered divorce from Mary when he discovered she was pregnant during their betrothal period (before they had consummated their marriage). See Matthew 1:18-20

THINK ON THESE THINGS

Q. How do we pray when remorse for sin is not present in the lives of those we intercede for?

A. A psychiatrist once commented that psychopaths cannot experience remorse for the wrongs they have done. Remorse can be defined as a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs. Although remorse is certainly necessary, we desire more from those who have wronged us other than distress produced by guilt.

Guilt and condemnation are from the devil and are like a dark tunnel with no light at the end. Guilt only produces more bondage in a person’s life if it is not accompanied by godly sorrow that leads to repentance. In 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 it says, "Now I rejoice, that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer lose from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death."

When there is no remorse present, bind a psychopathic spirit that would keep persons from experiencing remorse. Forbid it to operate. Then call forth Holy Spirit conviction that results in sorrow and godly repentance. Pray Isaiah 9:2 over them. “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of intense darkness and the shadow of death, upon them has the light shined.” Also Matthew 4:16

Prodigals will return to the Son in 2001!