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May, 2001

The Life Of A Child
by Marilyn Conrad

Some time ago, in a half-page advertisement in Charisma magazine, Marriage Ministry International (MMI) posed the question: “What costs an average of $11,000, occurs more than 4,000 times a day, and is more damaging to children than the death of a parent? The answer is easy—DIVORCE.”

The ad went on to say, “Death has a resolution that divorce never allows.” It told the story of Cindy who was ten when her parents’ marriage and her own world disintegrated. Her parents’ rationalization that “their divorce was the best solution” never did ease the anger, resentment, and loneliness Cindy still feels today. MMI is working to heal broken relationships so that children like Cindy don’t become the innocent victims. Cindy is 31 now…and “it still hurts.”

As I read the ad I remembered a poem I had seen years ago.

It won’t matter what car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like:
But the world may be a little better
Because I was important in the life of a child.

Anonymous

Generations are at stake in our country. Everyone loses when a marriage is ended, and perhaps the most wounded and devastated are the children. God has shown me, through experience, how important we are in the lives of many children. By holding up God’s standard for marriage we affect not only the lives of our own children and grandchildren, but also the lives of many children for generations to come.

Speaking of the importance of God’s laws, Psalm 78:6-8 states, “That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, but keep his commandments: and might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not steadfast with God.”

As role models for the children in our own families we can either hold up God’s standard for marriage as a covenant relationship that is not to be broken, or society’s standard of contract, which says, “If you don’t measure up I’ll divorce you and find someone else.”

As a four-year old and the youngest of four children, I certainly experienced a tremendous fear of abandonment when my father deserted our family. It was years later that the Lord showed me that my little child heart still felt responsible for my father’s departure. Surely I must have done something that displeased him and therefore I was responsible for his leaving.

This fear of abandonment carried over into my relationships with other important males in my life, including my older brothers, men whom I admired and respected, and of course, eventually, my own precious husband. Ultimately, this fear affected my relationship with God and resulted in perfectionism and performing for acceptance. If I didn’t measure up, perhaps God would be displeased and abandon me, too.

When my husband left me and the Lord assured me He would heal my marriage, I did not understand the impact of the stand I was taking. Several years passed before I heard and read teachings on generational curses and how divorce opens the door to the enemy in the lives of our children and grandchildren.

Eventually, when the devil saw that he could not discourage me and cause me to stop believing God for the healing of my own marriage, he attacked the marriages of both my sons. Knowing how vulnerable we are where our children are concerned and how we hurt when they go through separation and divorce, he tries to lure us into believing it is all right to stand for our own marriages but accept divorce for our children.

However, by this time I was not ignorant of Satan’s devices and I had broken generational curses over our families and was praying protection over my children and grandchildren. I stood on the Word for my family and saw God move mightily. Through spiritual warfare I drew the line and told the devil he could not have my sons’ marriages. Today, they and their wives are reconciled, happy and serving God. Praise the Lord!

In recent years there has been a growing awareness of the importance of preparing young people for marriage. Where there were almost no efforts in this area, many programs and ministries now exist. Perhaps the best known is True Love Waits launched by the Southern Baptist Convention. High school and college students sign “covenant cards” containing a solemn vow of chastity: “Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, those I date, my future mate, and my children to be sexually pure until the day I enter a covenant marriage relationship.”

I praise God that many leaders in the Body of Christ recognize the importance of teaching our sons and daughters that marriage is a covenant relationship worthy of their remaining sexually pure.

As covenant keepers, I believe that we also play an important part in the lives of children and young people by modeling God’s view of marriage as a covenant relationship in which divorce is not an option.

In closing, let me share something that Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp (Rejoice Ministries) said, “The battle for your marriage does not end with the banging of a judge’s gavel in the courtroom. The victory for your home was won with the banging of those rusty nails at Calvary. When Jesus said, ‘It is finished,’ the provision was made for victory over every sin.”

MESSAGE FROM A MOTHER

This letter from a covenant-keeping mother shows that she understands the importance of blessing her children at critical times in their lives.

My dearest son,

Now that you are beginning a brand new era in your life, I want to give to you something I believe will be valuable to you for many years. How proud I am of the fine young man you have become! God has truly blessed you not only with handsome physical features, but also with a warm, loving, and sensitive heart. I would not trade you for any other person in the universe. There is only one “you”; you are special because God made you exactly who you are!

When I look back over our lives together, it would be easy to feel sorry for us, but I refuse to feel sorry, apologetic, or remorseful. A hard life leads to one of two results: it can destroy you with failure or it will make you a stronger, better person. I believe the latter has happened to us. I’ve learned to take life’s disappointments and failures instead of sitting around feeling sorry and discouraged. I’ve learned to use my faith and to allow God to transform failures into successes!

That is exactly what this letter is about. I want you to understand that no matter how hard we try to avoid them, disappointments and failures will occur. I know you’ve already experienced many disappointments in your eighteen years—the biggest one the divorce of your father and mother.

Wounds from divorce go deep into the soul and affect every family member—children even more than adults. We’ve experienced not just one, but two marriage break-ups in our family! Only God has the power to heal deep-seated wounds caused by family turmoil, separation, and divorce. We have experienced all of these!

I am writing to you because I want you to understand that no matter what kind of terrible dilemma you may find yourself in, our Lord Jesus is able to bring you through the situation. You must learn to trust Him and rely on His strength instead of your own strength. My faith in God and reliance on Jesus has kept me going through all these disappointments.

I may not look like much of a success to you now, but I know that God loves me. He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for me. Because of this love, He will never leave or forsake me. Humans can and very often do let you down. Sometimes they hurt us deeply and abandon us. But there is one Person we can always trust to be there for us—one Person who will never lie, never leave, and never break His promises. His name is Jesus! Jesus loves you even more than I do, and that’s a whole lot because you know that I would die for you.

Don’t make the mistake I did of using marriage to fill the empty void that was inside me. What I really needed was a close, intimate relationship with Father God, through the Lord Jesus, the Anointed One! You’ll be a much better individual, husband, and father if you first find your fulfillment in Jesus! Only Jesus can truly satisfy our needs. No man or woman, no matter how handsome or pretty, charming, witty, or capable can.

Material and financial success is a trap. Seeking after these two imposters cannot bring true happiness or fulfillment. Many wealthy, so-called successful men and women have committed suicide because their lives were spiritually empty and void. Although two husbands have left me, I have more peace, love, and joy today than ever before because I learned to trust Jesus to fulfill my needs.

Always remember, it was God who gave you such extraordinary talent and ability. He gave you these gifts for a purpose. Only by committing all your talents and abilities to Him, will you ever discover His divine plan and purpose for your life.

My precious son, as I send you off to college, remember that I will never stop being your “mom.” As long as I am on the earth, I will be here for you. My prayer is that you will continue to allow God to paint the brushstrokes of your character until you become that beautiful, unique masterpiece that only He could create!

Your most loving and devoted mother

Prodigals will return to the Son in 2001!