February, 2004

We invite you to make plans to attend the conference next summer. There will be testimonies from couples with healed marriages, and your presence at the conference will encourage covenant keepers to continue to stand strong and believe for reconciliation and restoration. Click here for more details and to register.

The Stand Never Ends
BY DR KEN SAVAGE

"Dear Lord,

I pray for my husband that You would mold him into Your image. Help me to stand for him during this difficult time. I cry out to You, the Author and Finisher of my faith; bring us together by Your Spirit. Give me the strength necessary to be faithful and the grace necessary to forgive. In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.”

This prayer sounds like the faith-filled prayer of a Covenant Keeper, calling forth a wayward husband from the distant city of the prodigal. It is not. This is a prayer prayed for a restored husband. Somehow when the answer to our heart’s cries are manifested and we are joined once again with our spouse, we think the standing is over. To think that all will be well in the restoration process is to underestimate the power of sin and the flesh. This is a lie that, if left unchallenged, will bring a halt to the completion of the restoration process. THE STAND NEVER ENDS.

When all is progressing well in the restoration of the marriage, a stand is important because the devil has not given up his attacks. We stand because if the devil cannot break us apart, he will try to destroy us through apathy and a false sense of peace. There are restored marriages where the restoration process has lost steam or has hit a wall in the spirit and progress becomes slow or negligible. For example, when I came home I was unable to display any feelings for Lauren and the children. I had feelings deep inside of me but they were buried under a heavy load of guilt, shame and pain. I was so afraid of dealing with those emotions that I built a defense around them. I was stone cold. Lauren continued to stand for me and fought the battle in the spirit. There was no condemnation, only prayer. One night at a meeting with my pastor, the flood gate was released and Lauren’s prayers were answered. It still took me time to process all that the Lord had done, but the victory was won. She is still standing for me, but not alone. I am standing with her for the continued health of our marriage. This is the goal of a stand. Both partners standing together for the fullness of the Lord to be manifested in the covenant of marriage.

In order to stand for a restored marriage we need to know the difference between a stand of the flesh and a stand of the spirit. We need to understand this difference due to the fact that in many cases we are the determining factor on how restoration takes place. Had Lauren not had a stand of the spirit, I would have never come home. But had Lauren not continued that stand, we would have experienced heartache we otherwise could have avoided. Now, we are both standing for our marriage. So what is the difference between a stand of the spirit and one of the flesh?

Now, we are both standing
for our marriage.

The first difference between a stand of the flesh and a stand of the spirit is their location. A flesh stand is located in the mind as opposed to the spirit. The mind is led by reason and not the revealed will of God. The mind would not consider it reasonable to believe for a wayward mate to turn from their evil ways. “Forget them and get on with your life,” the flesh would argue. The God of covenant states, “Do not waver in your faith, only believe. Believe that the work of sanctification will continue throughout your marriage.”

This leads us to the second difference. The flesh is motivated by circumstances while the spirit is motivated by faith. It hurt Lauren when I gave up on God and ran from my family. The circumstances looked as dark as an endless abyss. The fact is that circumstances do not change God; God changes circumstances. A man born blind, now sees. A dead man, Lazarus, is raised from the dead. A defeated disciple who denied he even knew the Lord, stands before thousands and boldly preaches the resurrected Christ. A husband lost in sin returns to the bride of his youth. A restored couple can deal with the hurts of the past and can have a complete restoration. Circumstances change, God is established forever.

Next, we see that a stand of the flesh is based on feelings, while one in the spirit is based on the Word of God. There is no denying the reality of your feelings and the dynamics that caused them. These feelings, though, are not to be our god. What God says is true and unchanging. What you feel is influx and is not the basis of existence. The Word of God is the glue that holds all things together and His promises are yes and amen to those who would hear. Your feelings will change and God will heal what needs to be healed in your emotions. When I came home I had no warm fuzzies for Lauren. What I had was the Word of God and the courage to follow that Word. The feelings came and the Word was made real on my behalf through the stand of restoration.

Your mate is not the power source
 for marriage restoration;
Jesus is.

Additionally, a flesh stand is centered on your mate and their responses. “If she does this, then I’ll do that.” This mindset is reactionary in nature and is not proactive. Marriage restoration is not a chess game with moves and counter moves. Your mate is not the focus—Jesus is. Your mate is not the big deal; Jesus is the big deal. Your mate is not the power source for marriage restoration; Jesus is. It is only in the unencumbered moving of God that restoration truly works towards its logical end.

A stand of the flesh trusts in the natural; a stand of the spirit trusts in the supernatural. Natural works do not hold a marriage together, for works alone are dead. When I would make Lauren angry I would try to fix the situation with works. This is the natural way of dealing with issues. A stand of faith involves the working of the supernatural to change the inner person, not the situation. It is the inner working of the Spirit that is necessary in the restoration process. Anything less than God’s intervention will fail. Once God is allowed to be on the scene, all things become possible.

The focus is another difference between a stand of faith or a stand in the flesh. The flesh focuses on the changes, or lack of change being made by your mate. The opposite is true for a spiritual stand. The focus is you being conformed into the image of Christ. What our mate does in inconsequential. Your growth and development in Christ is the issue. Responding like Jesus; loving in the face of difficulty; forgiving in advance; asking God to change you, not your mate; these are the cries of a person who is standing for restoration in the power and Spirit of God.

Because the focus is on God and in the development of a stronger, more personal relationship with Jesus, the assurance of the believer becomes unmovable. Full assurance is always a result of intimacy with Jesus. This assurance is so critical for a stand of the Spirit. Therefore in the light of any circumstance you can have assurance that God’s will and kingdom will come in your marriage.

Walls that have gone up between
you & your spouse are slowly torn down
by unconditional, eternal love.

This brings us to the last difference between the two types of stands. A flesh stand is conditional in nature. A spiritual stand is eternal and unchanging. The love of God does not vary or change. He will give that same love to you for your mate. I am sorry to say that most of the Body of Christ has no idea what it is to be loved with unconditional love. This is the type of love that your mate needs, for this love casts out all fear and feelings of rejection. Walls between you and your spouse are slowly torn down by unconditional, eternal love.

My challenge to you is to continue to stand. Do not grow weary in your stand but rather fight the fight of faith in the spirit of the God of Covenant. Though you have gained a great victory in the return of your mate, press to perfection in Christ Jesus. “Therefore take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm. Stand firm therefore….” Ephesians 6:13