February, 1998

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
by Marilyn Conrad

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world (had such love for the world – loved the world so dearly) that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life."

Strong's Concordance says that love used here is unconditional love, love by choice and by an act of the will.

In the Greek, Agapé is the word for God's unconditional love. This God-kind-of-love belongs to every believer. The world does not understand this kind of love. Many Christians do not understand this kind of love. Romans 5:5 says, "The love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts…" or as the New King James says, "Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Again, agapé, the God-kind-of-love, denotes an undefeatable benevolence and unconquerable goodwill that always seeks the highest good of the other person, no matter what he does. It is self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return and does not consider the worth of its object. Agapé love refers to the will rather than the emotion. Agapé describes the unconditional love God has for us.  

God, the Father, and Jesus are our examples of what love is and what love does. Jesus gave His life voluntarily. No man took it from Him. Man did not kill Him. John 19:30 says, "…He said, it is finished! And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit." Matthew 27:50 says He yielded up His spirit. This means it was a voluntary act. I can guarantee you Jesus did not feel like dying for our sins. He chose to die. Love is a decision, an act of our wills, a choice.  

Jesus is our example for choosing to walk in love. Why did He choose to die for our sins and how could He do this? Hebrews 12:2-4 says, "Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds."

"For the joy that was set before him," Jesus endured the cross. He knew that we would one day trust in His blood for our salvation and that gave Him great joy. He despised the shame of hanging on that cross. Likewise, we do not like the shame and embarrassment of separation and divorce. However, we can endure it because we know that God was a witness to the covenant made at our marriage vows and He will heal our marriages. Knowing this gives us great joy, also.

John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." What better way to lay down our lives for our mates than to choose (make a decision as an act of our wills) to love them unconditionally by remaining true to our marriage covenants?

Our priority is to love them and lay down our lives for them. Christ gave up the comforts and joy of heaven and went through agonizing pain because He loved us.

Is it possible for us to lay down our lives for our marriages, our homes, our families? At first it seems impossible. And to our carnal, human natures it is. But we have the love of God shed abroad in our hearts (that agapé love) and the grace of God that makes it possible.

According to Galatians 5:22 the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. The fruit of the Spirit is within us. The fruit of the Spirit came in with Jesus when our spirits were born again, so love is there. We just have to be willing to allow it to flow through us to our mates and others.  

JESUS IS OUR EXAMPLE

Philippians 2:8-9 says, "And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him and given him a name which is above every name." Jesus is our example. By humbling Himself He was exalted. By humbling ourselves and laying down our lives in prayer and spiritual warfare for our mates, we too, shall be exalted.

Some will laugh and tell us we are in error… behind our backs and occasionally to our faces. And some have even said so from the pulpit. Others will tell us we are being doormats, that we are just letting our mates walk all over us.

When we lay down our lives for our mates we become a bridge for them to walk over to Christ, either for salvation or restoration. According to John 10:9 Christ is the door they need to walk through. What a wonderful privilege to become a bridge by laying down our lives for our mates and by standing for our marriages.

Matthew 10:38 says, "He who does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me." The cross is an instrument of death, symbolizing not the bearing of any particular burden or hardship, but a willingness (act of our wills) to give one's life sacrificially for the Master.

Choosing to lay down one's life means death to selfishness: MY plans, MY desires, whatever makes ME feel good or makes ME happy.

The result is verse 39: "He who finds his life will lose it and he who loses his life for my sake shall find it." Say this out loud. "Love is a decision. Laying down my life is a decision. It is a choice and not a feeling. I choose to love regardless of my feelings, knowing that if I am obedient I will find my life."

The words to Don Francisco's song, <Love Is Not A Feeling (The Early Works; Don Francisco © 1991 Benson Music Group) are especially meaningful to those of us who are standing for our marriages.

Now I wouldn't try to tell you that it's easy to stand,
Satan's throwing everything that's at his command.
But Jesus is faithful, His promise is true,
And the thing that He asks, He gives the power to do.
Jesus didn't die for you because it was fun,
He hung there for love because it had to be done.
And in spite of the anguish His Word was fulfilled,
Cause love is not a feeling, it's an act of your will.

THREE IMPORTANT FACTS

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. The fight doesn't always look like you're winning. Circumstances don't always change immediately. When Jesus was placed in the tomb it looked dark. But Sunday morning came! Resurrection Day came! Hallelujah!

Anything worth fighting for is worth waiting for. One covenant keeper waited 11 years for her marriage to be healed and she says it was worth the wait. When others say fighting for a marriage takes too long and isn't worth the wait, don't include this family! They are living proof along with hundreds of others.

In conclusion, if it becomes a long journey, this doesn't mean it is the wrong journey. Habakkuk 2:3 says, "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day." TLB

Time is:

Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice, 
But for those who love –
Time is not.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

SOME IMPORTANT LESSONS
I HAVE LEARNED WHILE STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE
by a covenant keeper with a healed marriage

1.  Prayer changes things and there is power in the blood of Jesus. The healing of our marriage is a miracle from God; a direct result of intercessory prayer. My friends would tell me when I got discouraged, "We don't quit till we win." Even when their faith wavered, they did not let it show for me to see. I made mistakes also, but God is bigger than those mistakes.  

2.  A Christian can be under demonic oppression. The Lord revealed to me in a dream the name of the demonic stronghold in my husband's life. The devil prowls around seeking whom he may devour, looking for a chink in the armor of God's people. If we practice a sin or keep an area in our life out of God's control or even make just small decisions against God's will without repentance, we leave ourselves open to the devil. And the devil is no gentleman, he takes advantage of every opportunity we give him, plus some. My husband and I are both spirit-filled Christians. My husband could quote scripture and was considered a dynamic preacher, a great husband and father by those looking in from the outside. We did all the right things; prayed together, went to church on Sunday and Wednesday nights, visited people in the hospital and taught Sunday School. My husband preached two sermons every Sunday and was guest preacher at our home church (the largest of this denomination in our district). But without Jesus on the throne in your life these are nothing but dead works, and the devil will use those too.

3.  Our God is a God of mercy. It was when I started praying for God to show my husband mercy and I started showing mercy and love towards him that the devil's power began to weaken. When he returned home he said he experienced the love of Jesus through me. He had stopped preaching and attending church altogether and did not associate with Christian friends. At that point I was the only contact with Jesus he had – I'm thankful he saw a Jesus of love, compassion and mercy. That Jesus brought him back to the Lord and back to his family! It was only by the supernatural power of God that I was able to show him that Jesus; it went against every natural feeling and tendency I had.

4.  God is concerned about you. When I took my focus off God "fixing" my husband and began to seek a pure heart in myself, God was able to change me into the wife I was called to be. This was attractive to my husband because there were things in my heart that needed to be cleansed that affected how I treated him. God was only able to reveal and heal when I invited Him to deal with me.

5. I am not the Holy Spirit. I realized that I was trying to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life. It is a struggle, but I am learning to keep my mouth shut and go to God with my concerns. God is much better at conviction than I am and then I'm not the "nag." The Lord has dealt with several of my concerns through the Holy Spirit and my husband is learning obedience to God, not to me.

6.  Seek God's will in all things. It is very easy to manipulate scripture to try to get God to do what we want. I ended my prayers giving God permission to do His will and asked for the grace and mercy to accept it. When we seek God's will, we can be sure it is the best thing for us. Sometimes God's will even went against Christian counsel. Allowing our 3 year old to spend the night at my husband's apartment is an example. I know there was a lot of demonic activity going on there, but the blood of Jesus is greater and provides protection. The Lord used these times with our daughter to speak to my husband.

7.  Our God is a forgiving God. Many times we see our spouse's sins as worse than our sins. Sin is sin in God's eyes and it is ALL covered by the blood of Jesus. My husband has experienced true forgiveness, first in the flesh from me (it was necessary for me to forgive him before I felt like it and before he even asked for it or said he was sorry) but then the supernatural forgiveness and mercy of a loving Father once he came to repentance. He has experience forgiveness by the body of Christ and restoration in the church. Sometimes I wonder how he can be so bold, knowing what happened months ago, but then I remember, "the old is gone and the new is come." He has experienced true forgiveness. Those sins no longer exist in God's mind: the blood of Jesus has washed my husband clean. So if God has cleansed him how can I hold anything against him? I can't. I don't have any right to.

Join us on Wednesdays as we fast and pray for our marriages and families, our churches and our nations.

In February Be Praying…

1. For all newly reconciled marriages, that they will continue to receive the godly counseling and help they need for healing. Philippians 1:6

2.  For our annual conference in Tulsa, Oklahoma July 17-19. Ask for God's provision for travel, food and lodging for all those attending. Psalm 84:11

3.  For God to gird us with physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional strength for the battle of this day. Psalm 18:39

4.  For all of us to have a hunger for the Word of God. Jeremiah 15:16

5. And choosing to sow good things into the lives of other so that we might reap the same. Galatians 6:7

6.  For covenant keepers to stand upon God's Word and not trust the arm of the flesh, which will always let us down. 2 Chronicles 32:7-8

7.  That new faith would rise up in our hearts. That we look up and see God's plan for deliverance for our mates. Luke 21:28

8.  That God would heal us of a spirit of sorrow that is trying to keep us from having His joy. John 16:20

9.  For turn-arounds in many difficult situations today. Isaiah 55:11

10.  That we would lay aside the weight of depression because it robs us of our joy and strength. Hebrews 12:1

11.  And thanking God that we are not going to faint. We are going to win! Galatians 6:9

12.  That our loved ones will be born again and baptized in the Holy Spirit. Joel 2:28

13.  That Satan's attack against unborn babies be brought to an end and that our nation would see that abortion is murder. Psalm 139:15-16

14.   VALENTINE'S DAY… join us in praying for the healing of marriages today. Isaiah 58 and 1 Corinthians 13

15.  Against double-mindedness and instability. James 1:6-8

16.  And speaking to the East, West, North and South and commanding Satan to give up our loved ones so that they may serve Jesus. Isaiah 43:5-7

17.  For those in prison who are standing for their marriages. Psalm 68:2-6 TLB

18.  And thanking God that we can hold our heads high because He is doing great things in and through us. 1 John 4:4

19.  That we would be set free from fear and torment today. Isaiah 54:14

20.  That God would show us His "big picture" for our families and that we would get our eyes off our circumstances. Jeremiah 33:3

21.  That as an act of our wills, we forgive those who trespass against us. Ephesians 4:32

22.  That we cast down the impure, negative thoughts that Satan would try to bring against our minds today. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

23.  And expect God to meet all our needs today. We will not be worried or anxious. Philippians 4:6

24.  And thanking God that He will perform big things in our lives today. 2 Chronicles 16:9a

25.  That we will all see the importance of being men and women of prayer. Luke 22:46

26.  And thanking God that nothing we face today is too difficult for Him. He is the God of miracles. Jeremiah 32:27

27. That those with children would have the ability to bring loving correction when it is needed. Proverbs 22:15

28.  For our pastors and churches… that we would all be a part of a local church body. Hebrews 10:25

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places.  "
Ephesians 6:12

From our website:

British Columbia, Canada: "A note to let you know I appreciate the hard work you do. CK’s has been a tremendous blessing to me."

California: "Thanks for your ministry. It has been a mental health life saver."

Georgia: "Wow! There is someone out there who believes like I do. ‘Till death do us part’ I prayed and longed so much for someone to stand in the gap with me and not give up. Many of my Christian friends helped me up through the worst times, but slowly they have all given up….not me."

New Zealand: "Greetings to you all in Jesus’ name from down under! I have just received the latest Covenant Comments. These newsletters are always an encouragement."

Texas: "I have been helped greatly by Covenant Keeper’s material and the wonderful people over the phone. My marriage is being restored and I just want to thank you, Marilyn, for hearing God and starting this ministry. I have passed along your book and have heard testimonies that the marriages are restored. What a blessing!"