Covenant Keepers - May 1998 Newsletter

Inspecting The Walls

In the Old Testament when Nehemiah went to Jerusalem to rebuild the walls he first inspected to walls alone. (Nehemiah chapter 2) Inspecting and rebuilding the walls of our marriages is something that, basically, we must do alone. We can't depend on others to do our work for us.

Although necessary, in the beginning, inspecting our lives can be a painful experience. However, Matthew 6: 41-42 says, "And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's (mate's) eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

When we have been hurt and betrayed by our mates or others, allowing unforgiveness to harden our hearts is so easy. However we are exhorted in Ephesians 4:32 to, "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

As a new babe in Christ, one of the first biblical principles I learned to apply was that of forgiveness. I learned that forgiveness is a choice and an act of our will. Forgiveness must be done in faith also because we usually don't feel like forgiving. Our flesh wants to retaliate and lash out at those who have hurt us. However, Galatians 5:24 says we are to crucify the flesh with its passions and desires.

Unforgiveness is like an open wound which never seems to heal. At times a new layer of skin will form but the least little knock or friction (words or actions by others) causes it to open up and fester. Applying the spiritual principle of forgiveness acts as an antibiotic salve to heal the wound from the inside out.

In 1 Peter 3 husbands and wives are instructed to "not render evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessings; knowing that ye are thereunto called that ye should inherit a blessing." Furthermore, Galatians 6:7-8 says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap." If we sow unforgiveness we will reap unforgiveness.

The fact that we are standing for our marriages and desire reconciliation does not mean we are walking in forgiveness ourselves. We must sow seeds of forgiveness and be cleansed and healed from the effects of any words and actions that have hurt us. Even though we have heard teaching on forgiveness we may have never actually forgiven others and been set free from the bondage that unforgiveness causes.

Forgiveness is a choice and an act of our wills and something we must do. No one can do it for us. Please stop right now and ask God to show you if there is any unforgiveness in your heart toward your mate and others involved in the break-up of your marriage. If so, make the quality decision to forgive. Then continue to walk in forgiveness.

When Satan, the enemy of our souls (our mind, will and emotions) brings back to your memory any hurtful words or actions, say, "Devil, I have forgiven (insert name) and I cast down all the vain imaginations you are putting in my mind. And I will continue to walk in forgiveness."

Another basic principle we must always remember and put into practice concerns our tongue. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Life and death is in the power of the tongue." Words are frames, blueprints and pictures. Once we have forgiven someone we must stop talking about them and what they did to us.

The good that comes from confessing God's Word each day over our mates can be totally erased by talking about them later in the day. Quit telling everyone who will listen what has happened. Zip your lip! A plus (praying the Word) and a minus (murmuring) equals zero. Discussing our mates with someone else can bring a release and make us feel better for the moment. However, the words we speak are negative and harmful and the good seed we may have sown can be destroyed. Proverbs 15:4 says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit."

You may need to pray this prayer. Father, I acknowledge that I have continued to discuss my mate with others. I repent and ask your forgiveness. I determine to speak words of life, not death. Therefore, I will speak only good words and your Word over my mate from this time forward. Holy Spirit, remind me of this commitment and I will be faithful to obey. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Now, find scriptures giving Godly qualities to confess over your mate such as 1 Timothy 3:1-13 and Proverbs 31:10-31.

Remember also that Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." As we inspect the walls of our own lives and apply God's principles of forgiveness and maintaining a wholesome tongue, we will experience the mercy and grace of God in our marriages.

"The Child Heart"
book review by Starr Lichty,
East Central & North East Regional Director

"The Child Heart" by Louis & Carol Gordon of Heart Menders ministry has been a blessing to many who are realizing the need for healing of the little wounded child heart within most of us. Quoting Gavin and Patti MacLeod in their forward to the book, "It is pulsating with information to help us all be the free children our Father wants us to be."

Dr. Jim Smith says, "You don't have a troubled marriage, per se, you have one or two troubled people in a marriage. To the degree that we can be healed of our individual woundedness, our marriages will benefit, because two healthy people in a marriage make for a healthy marriage…. You have to... allow God to bring healing to the 'wounded child' within them."

One night the Lord spoke to Louis and said, "I never intended my children to have a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). The Lord went on to say, "But the devil perpetrates fear on the little child heart at a very early age, sometimes even in the mother's womb. Instead of the power that I intended, the devil brings in fear, helplessness, hopelessness and selfishness. Instead of the love I intended, the devil brings in rejection, rebellion and betrayal. Instead of the sound mind I intended, the devil brings in double-mindedness, a split personality and schizophrenia."

What a revelation! How we rejoice in the fact that there is hope and help for the hurting, that there is a reason behind the confusion.

A Covenant Keepers group studied this book with great interest and healing resulting. Some of their comments follow:

… it has brought a lot of healing and peace. As I become healed, I am more prepared for the healing of my marriage. I am now praying that my family members will have their child hearts healed.

… I was excited that we would go through this book.

… I get a relaxed feeling while we study the book.

… I was happy to learn that deliverance is a quiet, gentle ministry, not at all scary.

… In my family are generational patterns and problems. I am recognizing the power within me to change these patterns. I am determined not to raise my kids as Dad raised us. I realize now Dad couldn't be different because he, too, needs a lot of healing.

"The Child Heart" book can be ordered from us. Heart Menders' web site can be viewed from our links page. They can be reached by phone at 405/495-HOPE.

TOGETHER AGAIN

Colorado: Wife was wanting a divorce but now marriage is better than it’s ever been!

Missouri: "I have a great praise. God has restored my marriage. I just want to encourage each stander, don’t give up. Keep standing on God’s word and don’t look at the circumstances."

Oregon: "Another answer to prayer, God is so faithful. After 4 ½ years of separation, then a divorce a year ago, God has restored this marriage. As His word says, all things are made new. My husband is a new person, we have a new marriage, a new life together in Christ. So many blessings, answers to prayers, times of making it through only on God’s strength. So very many things to praise Jesus for, I could fill a book."

Texas: Family is back together after five years!