The Romance Died, But…
For the past month, I have tried to sit down and write a blog to update about my life here in Uganda, but I have literally had no words to share. The past month or so has been quite challenging and there’s only one way to describe it. The romance of living in Uganda has worn off.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love Uganda (well, somedays) and the ministry I serve with, but living here and living with this culture has become harder and harder. For the past month, I have had no motivation to go into the village and be with the kids. I have found myself frustrated with every little thing – the power going out, the crappy Wi-Fi, people knocking on my window on my day off (before 8 am,) and oooh, the food. Don’t even get me started on the food!
On top of all that, I see my friends getting engaged, getting pregnant, having babies, getting their dream jobs, and I’m sad I’m missing out on all of that. I have a friend dealing with depression, and I can’t be there to help her, and its killing me. My niece is growing up, and I have to watch it through social media and FaceTime. For the past month, I have felt stuck, figuratively, and I have struggled with being here. I called my mom the other day literally crying for twenty minutes, telling her I wanted to come home. (God bless my mama for dealing with all my drama; seriously, she’s a saint!)
As much as I wanted to quit the other night, quitting and coming home isn’t what’s best for me, and it’s definitely not what’s best for my babies. I made a commitment to love these kids, and oh, did God remind me of it the other night at 12am. I wanted to share with y’all what I learned the other night and wrote in my journal because, well, I just wanted to and I believe it’s important to be vulnerable.
“The romance of Africa has worn off. Now living here is frustrating and not as beautiful. I called my mom crying the other night wanting to give up and quit and to leave to go back home to America. Tonight, I learned a valuable lesson for marriage. There are going to be times in marriage when the romance wears off or the honeymoon phase ends and things are going to be tough and ugly. Right now, it could be easier to quit and go back home but to stay, fight it out and allow God to keep using me is 100% going to be the harder part but also the perfect part.
“I made a commitment to God, to my babies and to my heart to stay for ten months, and I am going to keep that commitment. In marriage, you make a commitment before God, with your husband until death separates you. That commitment you make is with God, with your husband, with yourself and with your future kids. When the romance wears off, are you going to quit because it’s easier or are you going to fight for your marriage? You’re going to fight for your marriage, you’re going to fight for your husband, and you’re going to fight for your family because YOU made a commitment – a covenant.
“You can’t give up on Uganda or else you’re going to give up on your marriage or anything else that comes your way because you chose the easy thing and learned nothing; you taught yourself to quit. In the hard and ugly moments is where you learn and grow the most.”
So, before y’all, my friends and fellow readers, I vow to not quit on my babies, on Africa and on my future marriage. I vow to keep fighting for my kids and to keep loving them even when it’s tough and they’re screaming. I vow to not give up because if I give up, I have disciplined myself to be a quitter, and I don’t want to be known as a quitter. I vow to keep loving, keep serving and to keep seeking Jesus with my whole heart.
Mama Mace-the Muzungu Mama