We Can Rebuild Our Marriage If We Put God At The Center
Prayers get answered. Don’t let anyone or anything make you think otherwise. Never ever doubt that your prayers are being heard and that our God is working for those who love Him. I have prayed for general changes in my marriage but the specific prayers are the ones I have found are the ones God answered.
I have prayed for God to work in me. Those prayers started in November of 2010 right after my wife and I separated. I knew “we” had problems, issues, etc., but I also found that I alone could not change the problems “we” had – only God could do that. So I began to work on my own heart and my relationship with God.
It wasn’t easy. I didn’t like not having control over things. I always thought I was the one who could fix things, plan for things, prepare for anything on my own without God. Then God showed me how wrong I was and how His way was so much better.
While I worked on myself, I also prayed for my wife. I prayed about everything…but nothing happened. Was I praying the “right way?” Was what I wanted to happen in line with God’s Word? I was confused. Why was there no visible change. Then came surrender.
After all of 2011 went by and I continued to pray, I began to analyze my prayers. I found that I was still planning the best way for things to happen, in my words and in my heart and thoughts. It was then that I discovered that maybe I needed to just let God handle things. Well, then my wife filed for divorce. She said there was just no way that she could try again and that she was through and it would be best for us all. I struggled greatly during this time but continued to pray. But by now my prayers had changed.
I was now praying for God’s perfect will to be done in my family, in my life, and in the lives of our children. I thanked God for His promises throughout the Bible. I prayed that there would be peace between my wife and me. I also stopped trying to manufacture time together with the kids and my wife. I stopped asking her about “us” and our marriage. I was as kind and generous as I could be, being careful not to overstep what God may have been doing and trying to just stay out of His way, so that He could work.
The divorce was proceeding and one night God made it clear to me that I would not be divorced. I thought, “OK, maybe not in Your eyes God, but it looks like it is going to happen.” We would appear in court two or three times during the divorce proceeding and each time a total peace came over me and I was reminded that “you will not be divorced.” In my eyes, and in the world’s eyes, the divorce was going to happen. The legal paperwork was being worked on and my wife and I were agreeing on most issues.
I didn’t ask her to stop it or to think about what was going to happen afterwards, I didn’t try to change things. I simply prayed and thanked God for His promises and believed that all He has said was true and would come to be. I also came to the point of total and complete surrender. I surrendered my family, marriage, wife, kids, career – everything I could think of, all to God. I asked Him to show me if there was anything else to surrender and prayed for wisdom and strength to be able to do it. He helped me greatly during this time and I was shown more things I was hanging on to that had to be given up and left at the foot of the Cross.
We were now halfway into 2013 and the final hearing was scheduled for the divorce. It would be in late August 2013. I was resigned to the notion that if this is what had to happen, I would stay with God and rely on Him for all I needed. As I was continuing to pray for God’s will, I prayed that my wife would contact me to ask about trying to work things out. I had prayed this for about 6 months. And then I got a late-night text….
On June 22, 2013 my wife sent me a text which simply said, “Are you still praying to keep our family together?” I responded “Yep, and I’m not stopping.” The next morning another text asked, “Are you going to church with the kids and can I come too?” I responded, “Yes, we are going and it would be great if you could come too.” She came and she was wearing her wedding band which I hadn’t seen her wear in almost two years. During the service she hugged me and kissed my cheek. Something was REALLY different about her. It was like a new life was born within her. Her smile was brighter and she was more relaxed and joyful. It was amazing! And I thanked God for the blessings.
The next morning I got an email from my wife asking for my ideas about how we could mend our marriage and get to forgiveness. She asked for my thoughts to be in writing. So I wrote out what I believed to be the starting point, which all focused on God and putting Him and His word at the center of our marriage. I was now feeling like things were actually happening in my marriage, right before my eyes. It was as if it was happening in someone else’s life.
I never asked her about her texts or what she was thinking. I never asked her what happened. I never brought up to her anything about it. I had surrendered it and it was all up to God. I stood on His words: “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) Her words to me today: “We can rebuild our marriage if we put God at the center”.