What Can I Do When My Spouse Is In Adultery? – Part 2

Published November 29, 2018 by Covenant Keepers, Inc. in


Avoiding the Judgment Trap

If Satan is unable to get someone to sin, he will attempt to have them judge that sin in another person. Judgment and unforgiveness block healing and affect both you and your mate. In Genesis 18:25 and Hebrews 12:23 God is referred to as THE JUDGE of the earth and of people. Judging is passing sentence on the actions of another. Throughout scripture God reserves this right for Himself. Only God has the right to judge others.

Allow the Holy Spirit to be your judge. Often we are tempted to judge and condemn ourselves, but we must be careful with this also. Rather than try to look within and determine “where we blew it,” we need to be responsive to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to search out and reveal the areas in our lives where we need to repent and change. When we take over and try to do God’s work by becoming introspective, we take on a burden that God does not intend us to bear. We have freedom and righteousness through the blood of Jesus. It is important however to be obedient to any change that He reveals to us.

Satan is the “accuser of the brethren” (Revelation 12:10). Guilt feelings that make us feel miserable are not the result of conviction from the Holy Spirit. Conviction clearly shows us our sins and admonishes us to change. Remember Satan accuses but God convicts! Satan knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows how to trigger a sense of guilt and sin consciousness that will rob us of spiritual victory.

You can come to God with confidence because you have the righteousness of Jesus, under one condition. The condition to have confidence and receive is that we BELIEVE on the NAME of JESUS. When we understand this concept, we can be free of the oppressive guilt that Satan would put on us because of any part that we played in contributing to the involvement of our spouse with another person.

Guilt brings on feelings of: _________________________________________________________________________________

Forgiveness brings on feelings of: _________________________________________________________________________________

Our ability to approach God with ______________ comes through our ________________ with Jesus Christ. Lack of ______________ results in a loss of ________________. Lack of _________________ results in a loss of desire to _________________ and ________________.

“Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him, because we keep His commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. And this is His commandment, That we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as He gave us commandment.” 1 John 3:21-23

Preventing A Critical Spirit

God commands us not to criticize but to forgive. There is a trap in criticism and judgment. When one judges (is critical of another), he opens himself spiritually to weakness in that area. (This is another application of how the principle of sowing and reaping affects us for good or for bad.) The thing to remember is that we must not dwell on the mistakes of others or our own mistakes, but learn from the situations and avoid the trap.

We must forgive quickly. Unforgiveness is a two-edged sword. It traps and binds those involved in the offense and it can keep us from experiencing God’s forgiveness in our own lives. It has even been said that unforgiveness is a prison in which we keep ourselves.

We must forgive repeatedly. There is no limit on the number of times we forgive. In the Lord’s Prayer we are given a model of how to pray. In that prayer we ask to be forgiven as we forgive others. Just as we continually need forgiveness, so we need to forgive others. Sometimes it may be every five minutes, but whenever the occasion or thought occurs, we need to consciously forgive.

There is no limit on what we are to forgive. Jesus provided us a model in forgiveness. He not only forgave adultery (see John 4:17-39; John 8:10-11), but even forgave those who rejected and crucified Him. We are to conform to (imitate) God’s nature of forgiveness.

Hurt is a common clue that there is unforgiveness. Jesus came to heal that hurt, to free us from the bondage unforgiveness brings and allow us to gain new spiritual insight and freedom. We need to admit our hurt and expect Jesus to reach inside and remove the hurt and scars. Through faith, expect to be healed and to feel released as He ministers to you.

Deal with any hidden areas of unforgiveness. Ask Jesus to reach inside so He can show you where you may have hidden bitterness and unforgivenenss. As an act of your will verbally tell the Lord that you do forgive. Then thank God for bringing inner healing to you as you are obedient to forgive.

David is an excellent example of someone who had every reason to be critical of others. He wrote Psalm 59 when King Saul was unjustly plotting to murder him. He guarded his heart by pouring out his feelings to God, just as we must do.

PRAYER: Father, just as David came to you with his feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection, we come to You also. Lord, we hurt, too, because of the adultery in the lives of our spouses. We give You the hurt, betrayal, rejection, anger and confusion. We release these to you so that Your healing can be released in us. We see what adultery has done to our children and we hurt for them. We release this hurt, also. Reach inside us, Jesus, and bring inner healing. Your Word as You came to “heal the broken hearted and to set at liberty them that are bruised.” We receive healing for our broken hearts, wounded spirits and damaged emotions. We forgive our spouses for the adultery and also forgive any others involved. We ask forgiveness for any wrong responses we have had. We ask You to continue our healing process and thank You that we are set free, body, soul and spirit. Amen.